We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
