Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I understand Curling. That high.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
