Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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