there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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