hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
