My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
