I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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