I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
