I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
