hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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