Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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