Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
