There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
