Can i not drive my cunt home
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
