i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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