By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
