am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
