She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
