JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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