do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
