Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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