This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
