I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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