My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
