ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
