You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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