I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
