awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
