i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Lo siento on account of my penis...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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