I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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