I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
