Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
