nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
