just survived the first fart of the relationship.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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