We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
