So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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