Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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