ya dads aren't the best wingmen
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
