My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
