Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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