Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
