My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So apparently I’m into choking now
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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