By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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