I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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