I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sorry about my life...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
