i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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