community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
