you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I touched a dick in church today
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
