Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
