so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
