On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
