she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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