Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
