i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
