i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
