If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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