we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
