You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
