I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
